Penny for your thoughts...

I learned the other day that it costs the US Mint over 2 cents to crank out a penny. Now, I'm no mathematician, but that seems less than cost-effective. So why do we still make more of them? Rich folks (who generally make all the rules) have no use for pennies anymore. Joe Average is annoyed by them. Most people, I'm guessing, would no longer bother to bend over and pick one up, should they happen upon it on the street. I'll go so far as to speculate that a homeless person living in a cardboard box would turn down an offer of pennies. How many of us have a coffee can - or perhaps some larger container - taking up space in our home, chock full o' pennies, that we just wish would go away. Even most banks don't want them - less and less banks are willing to count change these days, and when it comes to pennies, I can't blame them. Nobody likes 'em, with the possible exception of numismatists (and who cares what they like, anyway?). Other than shoving a couple in one's loafers, or using one to test the tread depth on a car tire, they're bordering on being useless. So please, for the love of money, can't we just use common sense and stop making these common cents already? That's my two cents, which should probably be about a buck and a half, adjusted for inflation.

Justice for the downtrodden female tennis stars of Wimbledon, at last

So, the fine folks at Wimbledon announced that they're finally going to pay the women the same prize money as the men now. Hallelujah! Good for them. Good for the already-ridiculously-overpaid female athletes, too - they're certainly entitled to equal pay for equal work. Why should the male winner walk off with a walloping $1.28 million, while the shortchanged female winner takes home just $1.22 million. Forgive me, but I'm finding it hard to well up over the sad state of affairs befalling athletes who clear more in a year than most of us make in a lifetime. But hey, fair is fair. Equal work - equal pay.

Just one thing: I believe that the women need to start playing 5-set matches, just like the men. Tit for tat, if you will. Look, it wasn't all that long ago that common belief was that a woman could never compete against a man on the tennis court. Billie Jean King graciously proved otherwise. Now, today's athletes - both men and women - are in incredible physical condition, with trainers, coaches, and the best technology that their bloated wallets can afford. You can hardly say in good conscience that a female athlete in her late teens or early twenties can't handle a 5-set match. Why, to make such a claim would be tantamount to sexism! So, either pay those women equally to play as many sets as the men, or let the men play as few sets as the women. C'mon, fair is fair.

And, while we're talking sports for a moment, let me ask you this: Why is it that when our top American teams play their final game of the season, the winner is dubbed "World Champion"? If our championships only involve American teams, then this is a rather pompous, arrogant, and unsupported claim, isn't it? Contrary to that toe-tapping song from a charity concert of some years ago, "We are not the world." Just don't tell that to the president. Good night, and good seats.

Just trying to make my way home...

Well, as it so frequently happens here in Philly, I'm driving home from work when I hit a mile-long backup on one of the only main thoroughfares in the area, Bustleton Avenue (or, as no one affectionately refers to it - Rt. 532). And, as is so frequently the case, the cause of this backup during the rush hour drive is none other than one of Philly's finest pulling over a guy who may have been speeding on his motorcycle or something. There the motorcycle rider stands, between his bike and the police cruiser, which are both blocking the entire right lane of traffic off into the horizon.

Could the cop have pulled him off the main road, perhaps into the nearest side street, or maybe into the nearby mini-mall lot or gas station on the corner? I'm thinking "yes." Should he have done so, instead of creating a completely unnecessary traffic tie-up and adding to the number of commuters already contemplating acts of road rage? Again, affirmative. The only reasons not to do so would be - what? I dunno - the sheer joy of the power trip, a lack of simple reasoning skills, or the complete absence of giving a shit would be my guess. How about it, officers - with all due respect to those who don't get paid nearly enough to deal with criminals and put themselves in harm's way - while you're busy "protecting" and "serving," do you think maybe you could exercise a smidgen of common sense and courtesy for the benefit of all of us law-abiding folks trying to shake off another day of toil and just get home to our families, take-out dinners, or tv sets, and PLEASE STOP BLOCKING TRAFFIC JUST TO HAND OUT FRIGGIN' TICKETS? Thank you.

Eureka - why mankind is flushing itself down the hopper

I've quite possibly stumbled upon the root of all of our problems here on planet Earth. God, I suspect, has not abandoned us, as some would have you think. He has simply become preoccupied with the standings in all of our major sporting events, and the individual performance of our grossly overpaid athletes. Why should we expect the Lord to spend his time sorting out our petty differences, ending war, preventing famine and starvation, etc., when there's a game on! While many a terrorist praises his particular incarnation of the incarnate, there's nothing so satisfying as hearing a man who has lost his own son to suicide thanking the Lord Almighty for letting him adorn his finger with a gaudy but much-coveted Super Bowl ring.

So, you see, if we want God to help us right our wrongs, if we want the Almighty to deliver us from our own greed, stupidity, avarice, and plain-old evil, we just need to limit his exposure to the playoffs. Of course, this theory may be completely wrong if, in fact, the Lord is female. In that case, I'm blaming Grey's Anatomy.