I apologize if this happens to offend some of you, but since that declaration is based upon the assumption that anyone will actually read this, it's pretty much an empty apology. My rant today involves the institution of grown adults making a big deal out of their birthdays. Look, I'm a nice guy. I hold the door for total strangers, I donate to worthy causes, I try to help others where possible, and I generally keep my bad habits to myself. So, it's not like I am a master of self-loathing or anything. However, I see no earthly reason to consider the day that I was born to be a particularly spectacular and momentous occasion, worthy of celebration and festivities. Let's face it, people - we don't really have much to do with this event, do we? If you're religious, then you attribute the manifestation of your creation and entry into the world to your parents (be they mortal creatures or laboratory equipment) and whichever deity works best for you. At any rate, our sole involvement in the process is, well... showing up. Yowser, what a remarkable feat. We get pushed out or carved out of our cozy little womb away from home, and this becomes the quintessential crowning achievement of our lifetime? Please.
Now, there are some folks who not only take great pride in that day, but feel the need to remind everyone they know about it annually. How many people do you know who use their birthday as part of their email address? Could they perhaps find a way to be more egocentric? "Hey, here's a constant reminder of when you need to make a big deal out of a random day on the calendar, and buy me stuff." Or, how about people who either covertly or overtly slip mention of the "big day" into casual conversation? "I can't believe I'm going to be 37 on Friday!" I personally know a few people who have elevated this to an art form of sorts. The challenge I've created is trying to predict when and how they'll do it. I know it's coming, but - darn it - they still surprise me with their creativity sometimes.
Don't get me wrong, now - I believe that we're all special. I also believe that we have much to celebrate about ourselves and each other (with certain obvious exceptions, of course - Charles Manson comes to mind). Still, it seems to me that most, if not all of us, have memories of specific days in our lives that are worthy of honoring each year. I don't know, let's say, that first hole in one ever, or the day we blasted our best friend in the face with a shotgun while hunting for stuff that doesn't even remotely resemble a human face. Maybe the day we lost our virginity, or the day we helped someone else to lose theirs. Or maybe a day when we actually did something meaningful and useful, like the one when we helped build a house for a homeless family, or created a few thousand homeless families by invading an oil-rich country under false pretenses. You get the idea. Life is full of potential celebrations.
In my particular case, I have always downplayed my birthday, for reasons I can't really explain any better than I have in the preceding paragraphs. I absolutely never mention it to anyone when it is nearing, and when someone says, "Hey, it's your birthday on Friday, huh?", my reply is usually something like, "Yep. Hey, did you see that story on 60 Minutes last night...?" My idea of a nice birthday celebration is when a friend or loved one calls me up and says, "Hey, let's go to dinner to celebrate your birthday." They don't even have to buy dinner for me; it's just nice to have an enjoyable dinner out with someone you like to be around, and if a birthday is the impetus for the dinner out, fine by me.
The day we individuals are born is simply not that important, in the big picture. It's not even that important in the small thumbnail picture. So, if you are completely hell-bent on believing that your birthday is very extraordinary, can you just trust your friends and loved ones to remember all on their own, without reminding them about it every year like it's news of an impending visit from a resurrected savior? Does it really mean as much when someone wishes you a happy birthday only after you conveniently reminded them that it was approaching, and on which specific day? (Well, I guess it does, if you're just after the material gain that birthdays are supposed to bring.) Just try keeping it to yourself one time. If everyone forgets, it either means that your birthday isn't quite as important to the rest of society as you assumed, or it means that you need some new friends. As for me, I'm off to celebrate the anniversary of my discovering that computers have generously given me carpal tunnel syndrome.
